Monday, 22 July 2013

Grey

I'm tired, fight to keep my eyes open
But afraid to sleep, I am
Scared of the dreams that rise from the deep
Parts of my mind
Best left in the darkness from which they come
Haunting me when I am awake forcing me
To look at the truth, in the cold light
Threatening my security, as I come undone

It would be easier to surrender
To let myself be dragged down in this grey
To dive headlong into the dark, still waters
Hide from the oncoming day
But I've come too far, even when doing so
Seems a mistake
And I hate failure too much to ever
Wish to fall from your grace

The clouds descend, the horizon of my mind... narrows
I tread water, but the water is dark and far from shallow...
So cold. In this grey.
I am too stubborn to just walk away.

Yet, even were you to see me in this trouble,
Would you stop to enquire after me?
As you glide away on gossamer beams, sunlight from your feet
No, our history is full of silent pauses
And it's me who always comes running when called
I can fix what needs fixing, except when it is me who is broken
But I can hide what I'm feeling all too well
A smile on the surface, nonetheless a smile
Covering the shipwreck that lurks inside
Though in the absence of feeling, of warmth and of touch
The grey smile on my face only hides so much.