Friday, 25 January 2013

New Day

A new day dawns
Brave and bold, golden colours with red
Where I lie bleeding
It was a last attempt at catching hope
Those fleeting fingers enfold
Catch the cloth, frayed
Gone, you're gone, so long

I don't really care any more at least that is what I say
But I keep staring at your photograph
And reading your poetry
And I keep singing your songs, singing along
With you
As you sang along
With me

But it wasn't meant to be
We weren't really even friends
And it has taken so long until this
New Day
For me to know there was nothing
Your words empty bowls
Your lust wasn't even real

And I don't care any more
I don't care what you told your friends
You don't even have the guts to say goodbye
I know this wasn't love
Was a quick and easy fuck
While you bide your time
For something better

This new day finds me alone
But I am stronger
For having weathered your storm

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Shall We Dance?

A moment; paused
A rhythm waking movement, stirring
Glowing lights across a moving floor
Faces smile
Waves carry motion forward
Hear the tidal roar

Is it enough?
Shall we dance?

Still; yet moving
Shadows casting glances, painted faces
Gentle, stirring, soothing
Lover smile
Swept onto another battered shore
Hear the tidal roar

Is it enough?
Is it too much?
Shall we dance?
Forget the world for a second
Look me in the eye
Is this what you want?
Am I what you need?

Breathless; yearning
Lying in the afterglow, admired
Libations for the Goddess, learning
Sated smile
Satisfied but wanting more
Hear the tidal roar

Never enough
This dance eternal
Close your eyes, see the dream
Shall we dance?
Forget the world for a second
Look me in the eye
Is this what you want?
Am I what you need?


I always thought you were naïve,
That there were some things you didn’t know.
But there’s a spark of intellect in those dark eyes.
Some things you didn’t show.
I thought you were lying
When you said that you’ve been there before. 
I swear you must have been joking
You say you’ve seen it all and more.

And there were many times I thought you would cry.
There were many times I asked myself why.
Why I should be towing you around the way I do.
Why it’s always me who wipes the shit from your shoes.

I always thought you were a little strange,
There were some things that you already knew.
Laying my cards on the table for so long
While why resentment only grew and grew. 
I’m getting so tired of finding excuses,
I’m getting so tired of only finding pain. 
The more you talk about your state of perfection,
The sooner I tend to think I’m insane.

And there were many times where I was cold as ice.
There were many times I just didn’t want to roll the dice.
To only have it come up so that you win.
It’s time you stood on your feet; learned how to swim.

You can talk for hours my friend.
You can only talk for so long until the end…

You know I always wondered what would become of you
If I only had the nerve to let you go. 
You’re still as naive as the day we met,
Though the naivety doesn’t really show. 
You may have walked a mile in my shoes,
But it was my apathy that gave you wings. 
You may have been the one singing my blues,
But in the end I’m the one who’s saving you…

Friday, 18 January 2013

The Face In The Mirror

In this vial, I have distilled, the essential essence
Of me
I have dabbled and rattled about and lost hours of repose
For you to open your eyes
And see

This is me.

A subtle and quiet machine, playing thoughtful motes of polite
Standing to the side, not out in front, a master of

This is me.

The quiet one, the silent one, the dreamer; the deep wending river
Child of the moon, with that restless curiosity tempered through
With the light tentative tread of the uninitiated and circumspect
But if the hearth is built, the fire minded
If the walls of trust patched and mended
Surely, out of the shadows and out of the cold
This Traveller shall arrive
To share the warmth and laughter
To awaken and become alive.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

One Thousand Things I Didn’t Say

There’s your car parked on the road
You and me, the house, the hill
The park where we first kissed

There’s your smile, nervous grace
You and me, how time stood still
Each precious memory now that I miss

Too late, the signs I saw coming
I closed my eyes

There are the words I want to hear
You and me, and time to kill
Blinding sun, blinded moon

Empty promise, empty chalice,
You and me, and bitter wine
In this a parade of fools...

Too late, the seams undoing
I closed my eyes
The self destruction my own choosing
What have I done?

Now my friends are strangers
I overlooked the dangers
Of becoming suddenly alone
Once I was the object of affection
Now the agent of rejection
Dug deep enough to peel away the bone

It’s my car parked on the road
You’re not with me I am alone
I can’t stand to see
The park where we first kissed

Monday, 14 January 2013

No Such Thing (The Fall)

Luck... there’s no such thing
Just a set of circumstances
A promise and a ring

But we know...
This is fleeting like a sideways glance
Colder than the tombstones
Of some dark and cold romance

Yet it still hurts to be
Cast aside like yesterday’s paper
Would it have been easier
Had we never even met each other?
And still we dance
Two pathetic moths around the flame
I beg, you repulse
And bitter is the taste of the blame

Love... there’s no such thing
(It’s an invention in some poet’s mind...)
Just candied words in a voice
I wish I could sing

But we know...
How each false witness bears a lie
And though we try to run
The sun in front is now behind

Yet it still hurts to be
Another line mark on the wall
A passing fancy; that
Dead ember of words crushed in a ball
When the paper is blank
And the words seem hard to form
It’s always easier to take the hit
Than to take the fall...

What if?

What if?

There is no dawn
To herald awakened love?
No light of golden pure rays
Of strength
Of love
To light our way?

What then?

What if?

There was no song
No music, no words
Just this void
Of empty
Of nothing
To lead the way?

When then?

What if?

There were no eyes
To behold naked truth?
No colour
This darkness
Vast swells of chaos
To show us the day?

What then?

What if?

There was no touch
No soft caress or kiss
Only this push
That push
Of division
As we are pushed away?

What then?

What if?

In our infinite blindness
And the ocean depths of silence
In our guarded enclosures of solitude
And in our waking moments of delirium
What if in this moment
Unmeasured by the hands
Of mortal engines
Un-handed by the flesh
Of mortal fingers
Un-thought in the binds
Of mortal minds
Therein is lit...  a spark?

What then?

Saturday, 12 January 2013


Sorry? Who you? No, never
Those words you do not know
No one could hold their breath long enough
For you to make such utterances
Preposterous to say the least
A lie at best
And still you search anew for more souls to suck dry

But all is fair in your game
You play it better than the best
Fast approaching middle age, past your prime
That only makes you want to prove
You still have the makings
Of the best
Find another and another and suck them dry

I hate the way you make me feel
Unwanted and somehow defective
I bet you still smile with laughter dancing in your eyes
As you scratch a point on the scoreboard
Another point to prove
To be the best
Discard my soul, you’ve sucked it dry

Friday, 11 January 2013

Bitter Harvest (Breaking Up)

In dreams glutinous
Time shifts like sand; all time together entwined
The past is the now is the future
Holding you, I am, holding me
At the same time kissing you hello and goodbye
The lingering traces of perfume on your pillow... gone

Come on, come on
Too long, too long
As the memory fades like day fades into night
Anon, anon
This song, this song
Rises like the tide inside my mind

I can still see your eyes even when I am blind
Because in dreams it’s so easy to believe
That each word we say comes from that secret place
But such words make no sense in the cold light of day
For once I want to believe in the truth of such things
Without these things turning into a cipher
Like all heroes in dreams, love is not what it seems
And is sure not worth enough just to die for

In cynical turns
The fire still burns
Ash in my mouth...

Come on, come on
Too long, too long
As the memory fades like day fades into night
Anon, anon
This song, this song
Rises like the tide inside my mind

You know it’s not too late for that goodbye you never
Choosing instead to end things before they started
Words like knives and bittersweet rejoinders
To compensate for the cut, cut, cut...
I hope the freedom you desired is the freedom you get
But what joy in freedom is there
When you’re alone?

Thursday, 10 January 2013

Turn The Page

That moment when the cold sets in
At the point where you know for sure
You have checked the message thrice, now
And stop yourself from asking why
Because you just know
And knowing is enough

But that doesn't make it easier
To turn the page

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Stand Up Comedy

You bare your heart, leave it exposed
Put your pride out on a limb
Maybe there is a chance – an outside chance (at best)
Of making something from nothing

But you’re a nice guy, we all know
Always quick with a self-deprecating joke
Which isn’t much to say, anyway
When your words just make you choke

You thought she was the one, maybe the signs were there
But maybe is still just doubt
And comedy becomes tragedy
When you’re the one who is left without

But you’re a nice guy, we all know
Maybe prone to love too fast
Just as quick with a smile, a shoulder, a helping hand
But really, nice guys finish last

Have you tried… Stand Up Comedy?
We really think you’d shine
Laughter is the best cure for all our maladies
So let us both laugh until we cry

But when you told her that you love her
At that moment, when things felt fine
You saw the ice gloss over her irises
As if she was waiting for the punch line…

Tuesday, 8 January 2013


While we sit in silence contemplating our lives
And the world turns in dark space
We cannot see the trees for the forest before us
Or the smile for the face
There is a bitter taste to the words we speak
And every line weighs more than it should
We spend all our time trying not to be bad
No time, then, trying to be good

The targets out of range we set our minds to find
We are the blind and we’re leading the blind
Hand over hand, swim through the sand

We think we know our hearts enough to know
The secret workings of other’s minds
And in our presumptuous  turns
Seek to ensnare these binds
Too quick into the fray we leapt unbidden, unknowing, blind
Is it instant gratification or self destruction we find?

Insolent we press the pressure of our hit and miss affairs
These vials of petty emotion, these briefly burning candles
And secret handshakes and cold daggers
And blood slippery on the handles
We are intent to love at all costs or simply to consume
Destroying that which we say we desire
With thoughtless deed and thoughtless word
Emotions of unchecked fire

The targets out of range we set our minds to find
We are the blind and we’re leading the blind
Hand over hand, swim through the sand

We think we know our heads enough to know
The secret workings of other’s lives
And in our presumptuous  turns
Seek to banish these lies
Too quick into the fray we leapt unbidden, unknowing, blind
Is it instant gratification or self destruction we find?

We believe ourselves to be true to blind faith
Conjured words from the keepers of lies
We hold to our crooked paths with misguided abandon
Secure as the warm days shift to colder nights
Somewhere up ahead on the distant horizon, we are ships
Caught in the maelstrom of unbedded fury
We thrash at our yokes, unsatisfied
And in an instant moment our lusts are buried

Too late.
We have fallen, a mire
Onto our knives
Extinguish that fire.

Sunday, 6 January 2013

Rock the Boat

It was a quiet infatuation kept under lock and key
Had lots of time for everybody but found no time for me
The glitz of love’s perfection in a gaudy crystal ball
You’re too scared to jump and I’m afraid to fall

Now that it is over
And we’ve sorted it out
I never meant to rock the boat

No time for sorry
Let’s just move on
I didn’t mean to rock the boat

It was a release of shared frustration, not a meld of minds
Had my eyes wide open, but really, I was blind
Murdering the truth and cutting off my friends
Was waiting for the start while you were racing to the end

Now that it is over
Why all the doubt?
I never meant to rock the boat

No time for sorry
Get the fuck out
I didn’t mean to rock the boat

Now who is sorry?
Now who is right, who is wrong?
Why all the worry...
I was just a number, not a face

Now that it is over
I am left here without doubt
I never meant to rock the boat

Final acts of vengeance
Cold within and without
I didn’t mean to rock the boat

I didn’t mean to rock the boat

Friday, 4 January 2013


Owen looked out from the beach house veranda towards the crisp blue water of the ocean and felt the same cold feeling he always did. Memories leapt out from the tranquil waters and seemed to slap him while he watched the children playing in the waves lapping at their heels.            

The ocean was always a mystery to Owen. It was a living, hungry, predatory animal with the most insatiable of appetites. It wept salt that corroded and sang songs of both misery and joy. The sweet smell of salt was poison. A mystery unfolded between each wave peak and remained unsolved as the waves crashed mercilessly onto the sand. Both hot and cold, the ocean was a menacing, malevolent presence that seeped into Owen’s deepest fears, hopes and dreams.            

Watching the children on the sand made him feel uneasy when he knew the force of the ocean. He knew how it liked to pull unwilling victims into the murky depths of itself and hold them there like pearls inside of an oyster. It scared him to think how close to death everyone was when they trusted themselves to its maritime fury. The ocean was a living, feeling, emotive creature: almost human. At one time, it could roll on and on peacefully; the next, it is an angry mother spewing black waves and white foam, smashing boats, dragging, breaking, freezing inhuman power.            

Owen loved the ocean as much as he hated it. He lived and breathed exactly how it did. And like most humans, he couldn’t predict its moods, which swung as does the pendulum in the hands of a hypnotist.

As the children played, the ocean gathered at their feet, and tickled their ankles, and destroyed their sand-castles, quite innocently. Owen watched with a sense of relief, always fearing that a larger wave would rock over the edge and come crashing down on the helpless kids while they moulded sand-castles, carrying them away to oblivion. He clutched the binoculars he wore around his neck with a crushing iron fisted grip, until his hands were bony white from lack of blood and hurt from the pressure. All the while, his eyes scanned over half a kilometre of beach with meticulous interest, his heart palpitating irregularly.            

And the memories rose inside of his head, beckoning memories that would, if they were of substance, resemble skeletal hands that would seek out the back of Owen’s neck… and squeeze.            

The more he fought the memories, the more they wanted to rise. They rushed up from his subconscious, wild birds on wing, waiting to embed their awful presence onto Owen’s mind, the same way footprints are embedded into soft mud. In vain, he tries to keep his memory in check, to close the curtain that hides the other side. Each day, his hair becomes greyer and his eyes wilder. Each night, he suffers a private, agonising torment. With each glass of whisky, the expectation of doom seems to manifest itself inside of his weary mind and the strain of his fight shows itself as wrinkles on his skin.            

And finally, the years pass, the locks break, and Owen suddenly finds that he is staring into the bulging, fishy eyes of a drowned kid with blue lips and pale skin, so pale that it is nearly transparent. Only then does he feel the choking, freezing panic that had eluded him for so long, that had many years ago held him frozen to the spot in absolute terror, as he screamed and screamed…              

…but all the screaming in the world can’t undo the fact that your little boy has drowned…           

…and you couldn’t do a single thing to save him… 

Thursday, 3 January 2013

Garden Song

Once warm in the shelter now drowning in the sea
Not what you really wanted, but all that I deserved
Emptiness and longing and a hole a mile wide
That was the ashes of love sown like salt into the earth

I entered this garden to hear your song
To smile encouragement at the chords you played wrong
The dead frets on your guitar, hammered rhythm, botched rhyme
I’d tap my foot along and keep you in time

You were never afraid to bare your soul
Uncover secret passions hidden from me and from the light
It was I who was too scared to cast aside the chains
There I remained in the night

Now the songs in the garden are muted, if not dead
And the words but a mumble, breath of wind in my head
And the flowers are faded, wilted and denied
As with all things innocent we leave the garden behind

Hold Onto Love

Awake most nights wondering
What it means to lose
Something that once was held so dear

Now it seems dark is setting in
Blindness over our eyes
Where once the way was so clear

Can you help me?                            (waiting, watching)
Do you see me?                               (only dreaming)
Can you show me?                          (drifting off to sleep)     
Help me find the light                    (hold onto love)

Hold onto love, don’t let her go
It is all that we should ever know
Embracing lovers, the sacred dance
The dice of fate, the wind of chance
Knowing that you love me
Knowing that I love you

Perpetually Never

At last, this book, ready to close
Like sleepy eyes in darkest repose
Finality, a final page written; the drawn veil of a curtain down

A circle closed, awaken the sleeper
A flickering screen, a fortress keeper
The forgotten chords of an unwritten symphony, alone

These are the words
These are my songs
These are my thoughts
This is me, all along

You have read my heart
You have read my mind
I am deaf, I am dumb
I am damned, I am blind

No more.
You hold my soul in your palm

Now my lips move around impossible words
And thoughts churn at improbable endeavour
And I promise you the Sun and the Moon
But what I give you is Perpetually Never...