New Day

A new day dawns
Brave and bold, golden colours with red
Where I lie bleeding
It was a last attempt at catching hope
Those fleeting fingers enfold
Catch the cloth, frayed
Gone, you're gone, so long

I don't really care any more at least that is what I say
But I keep staring at your photograph
And reading your poetry
And I keep singing your songs, singing along
With you
As you sang along
With me

But it wasn't meant to be
We weren't really even friends
And it has taken so long until this
New Day
For me to know there was nothing
Your words empty bowls
Your lust wasn't even real

And I don't care any more
I don't care what you told your friends
You don't even have the guts to say goodbye
I know this wasn't love
Was a quick and easy fuck
While you bide your time
For something better

This new day finds me alone
But I am stronger
For having weathered your storm

Shall We Dance?

Heartbeat,

A moment; paused

A rhythm waking movement, stirring

Glowing lights across a moving floor

Faces smile

Waves carry motion forward

Hear the tidal roar

Is it enough?

Shall we dance?

Chaos,

Still; yet moving

Shadows casting glances, painted faces

Gentle, stirring, soothing

Lover smile

Swept onto another battered shore

Hear the tidal roar

Is it enough?

Is it too much?

Shall we dance?

Forget the world for a second

Look me in the eye

Is this what you want?

Am I what you need?

Crescendo,

Breathless; yearning

Lying in the afterglow, admired

Libations for the Goddess, learning

Sated smile

Satisfied but wanting more

Hear the tidal roar

Never enough

This dance eternal

Close your eyes, see the dream

Shall we dance?

Forget the world for a second

Look me in the eye

Is this what you want?

Am I what you need?

SAVING YOU

I always thought you were naïve,

That there were some things you didn’t know.

But there’s a spark of intellect in those dark eyes.

Some things you didn’t show.

I thought you were lying

When you said that you’ve been there before. 

I swear you must have been joking

You say you’ve seen it all and more.

And there were many times I thought you would cry.

There were many times I asked myself why.

Why I should be towing you around the way I do.

Why it’s always me who wipes the shit from your shoes.

I always thought you were a little strange,

There were some things that you already knew.

Laying my cards on the table for so long

While why resentment only grew and grew. 

I’m getting so tired of finding excuses,

I’m getting so tired of only finding pain. 

The more you talk about your state of perfection,

The sooner I tend to think I’m insane.

And there were many times where I was cold as ice.

There were many times I just didn’t want to roll the dice.

To only have it come up so that you win.

It’s time you stood on your feet; learned how to swim.

You can talk for hours my friend.

You can only talk for so long until the end…

You know I always wondered what would become of you

If I only had the nerve to let you go. 

You’re still as naive as the day we met,

Though the naivety doesn’t really show. 

You may have walked a mile in my shoes,

But it was my apathy that gave you wings. 

You may have been the one singing my blues,

But in the end I’m the one who’s saving you…

The Face In The Mirror

In this vial, I have distilled, the essential essence
Of me
I have dabbled and rattled about and lost hours of repose
For you to open your eyes
And see

This is me.

A subtle and quiet machine, playing thoughtful motes of polite
Conversation
Standing to the side, not out in front, a master of
Observation

This is me.

The quiet one, the silent one, the dreamer; the deep wending river
Child of the moon, with that restless curiosity tempered through
With the light tentative tread of the uninitiated and circumspect
But if the hearth is built, the fire minded
If the walls of trust patched and mended
Surely, out of the shadows and out of the cold
This Traveller shall arrive
To share the warmth and laughter
To awaken and become alive.

One Thousand Things I Didn’t Say

There’s your car parked on the road

You and me, the house, the hill

The park where we first kissed

There’s your smile, nervous grace

You and me, how time stood still

Each precious memory now that I miss

Too late, the signs I saw coming

I closed my eyes

There are the words I want to hear

You and me, and time to kill

Blinding sun, blinded moon

Empty promise, empty chalice,

You and me, and bitter wine

In this a parade of fools...

Too late, the seams undoing

I closed my eyes

The self destruction my own choosing

What have I done?

Now my friends are strangers

I overlooked the dangers

Of becoming suddenly alone

Once I was the object of affection

Now the agent of rejection

Dug deep enough to peel away the bone

It’s my car parked on the road

You’re not with me I am alone

I can’t stand to see

The park where we first kissed

No Such Thing (The Fall)

Luck... there’s no such thing

Just a set of circumstances

A promise and a ring

But we know...

This is fleeting like a sideways glance

Colder than the tombstones

Of some dark and cold romance

Yet it still hurts to be

Cast aside like yesterday’s paper

Would it have been easier

Had we never even met each other?

And still we dance

Two pathetic moths around the flame

I beg, you repulse

And bitter is the taste of the blame

Love... there’s no such thing

(It’s an invention in some poet’s mind...)

Just candied words in a voice

I wish I could sing

But we know...

How each false witness bears a lie

And though we try to run

The sun in front is now behind

Yet it still hurts to be

Another line mark on the wall

A passing fancy; that

Dead ember of words crushed in a ball

When the paper is blank

And the words seem hard to form

It’s always easier to take the hit

Than to take the fall...

What if?

What if?

There is no dawn

To herald awakened love?

No light of golden pure rays

Of strength

Of love

To light our way?

What then?

What if?

There was no song

No music, no words

Just this void

Of empty

Of nothing

To lead the way?

When then?

What if?

There were no eyes

To behold naked truth?

No colour

This darkness

Vast swells of chaos

To show us the day?

What then?

What if?

There was no touch

No soft caress or kiss

Only this push

That push

Of division

As we are pushed away?

What then?

What if?

In our infinite blindness

And the ocean depths of silence

In our guarded enclosures of solitude

And in our waking moments of delirium

What if in this moment

Unmeasured by the hands

Of mortal engines

Un-handed by the flesh

Of mortal fingers

Un-thought in the binds

Of mortal minds

Therein is lit...  a spark?

What then?

Games

Sorry? Who you? No, never

Those words you do not know

No one could hold their breath long enough

For you to make such utterances

Preposterous to say the least

A lie at best

And still you search anew for more souls to suck dry

But all is fair in your game

You play it better than the best

Fast approaching middle age, past your prime

That only makes you want to prove

You still have the makings

Of the best

Find another and another and suck them dry

I hate the way you make me feel

Unwanted and somehow defective

I bet you still smile with laughter dancing in your eyes

As you scratch a point on the scoreboard

Another point to prove

To be the best

Discard my soul, you’ve sucked it dry

Bitter Harvest (Breaking Up)

In dreams glutinous

Time shifts like sand; all time together entwined

The past is the now is the future

Holding you, I am, holding me

At the same time kissing you hello and goodbye

The lingering traces of perfume on your pillow... gone

Come on, come on

Too long, too long

As the memory fades like day fades into night

Anon, anon

This song, this song

Rises like the tide inside my mind

I can still see your eyes even when I am blind

Because in dreams it’s so easy to believe

That each word we say comes from that secret place

But such words make no sense in the cold light of day

For once I want to believe in the truth of such things

Without these things turning into a cipher

Like all heroes in dreams, love is not what it seems

And is sure not worth enough just to die for

In cynical turns

The fire still burns

Ash in my mouth...

Come on, come on

Too long, too long

As the memory fades like day fades into night

Anon, anon

This song, this song

Rises like the tide inside my mind

You know it’s not too late for that goodbye you never

Said

Choosing instead to end things before they started

Words like knives and bittersweet rejoinders

To compensate for the cut, cut, cut...

I hope the freedom you desired is the freedom you get

But what joy in freedom is there

When you’re alone?

Turn The Page

That moment when the cold sets in

At the point where you know for sure

You have checked the message thrice, now

And stop yourself from asking why

Because you just know

And knowing is enough

But that doesn't make it easier

To turn the page

Stand Up Comedy

You bare your heart, leave it exposed

Put your pride out on a limb

Maybe there is a chance – an outside chance (at best)

Of making something from nothing

But you’re a nice guy, we all know

Always quick with a self-deprecating joke

Which isn’t much to say, anyway

When your words just make you choke

You thought she was the one, maybe the signs were there

But maybe is still just doubt

And comedy becomes tragedy

When you’re the one who is left without

But you’re a nice guy, we all know

Maybe prone to love too fast

Just as quick with a smile, a shoulder, a helping hand

But really, nice guys finish last

Have you tried… Stand Up Comedy?

We really think you’d shine

Laughter is the best cure for all our maladies

So let us both laugh until we cry

But when you told her that you love her

At that moment, when things felt fine

You saw the ice gloss over her irises

As if she was waiting for the punch line…

Presumptuous

While we sit in silence contemplating our lives

And the world turns in dark space

We cannot see the trees for the forest before us

Or the smile for the face

There is a bitter taste to the words we speak

And every line weighs more than it should

We spend all our time trying not to be bad

No time, then, trying to be good

The targets out of range we set our minds to find

We are the blind and we’re leading the blind

Hand over hand, swim through the sand

We think we know our hearts enough to know

The secret workings of other’s minds

And in our presumptuous  turns

Seek to ensnare these binds

Too quick into the fray we leapt unbidden, unknowing, blind

Is it instant gratification or self destruction we find?

Insolent we press the pressure of our hit and miss affairs

These vials of petty emotion, these briefly burning candles

And secret handshakes and cold daggers

And blood slippery on the handles

We are intent to love at all costs or simply to consume

Destroying that which we say we desire

With thoughtless deed and thoughtless word

Emotions of unchecked fire

The targets out of range we set our minds to find

We are the blind and we’re leading the blind

Hand over hand, swim through the sand

We think we know our heads enough to know

The secret workings of other’s lives

And in our presumptuous  turns

Seek to banish these lies

Too quick into the fray we leapt unbidden, unknowing, blind

Is it instant gratification or self destruction we find?

We believe ourselves to be true to blind faith

Conjured words from the keepers of lies

We hold to our crooked paths with misguided abandon

Secure as the warm days shift to colder nights

Somewhere up ahead on the distant horizon, we are ships

Caught in the maelstrom of unbedded fury

We thrash at our yokes, unsatisfied

And in an instant moment our lusts are buried

Too late.

We have fallen, a mire

Onto our knives

Extinguish that fire.

Rock the Boat

It was a quiet infatuation kept under lock and key

Had lots of time for everybody but found no time for me

The glitz of love’s perfection in a gaudy crystal ball

You’re too scared to jump and I’m afraid to fall

Now that it is over

And we’ve sorted it out

I never meant to rock the boat

No time for sorry

Let’s just move on

I didn’t mean to rock the boat

It was a release of shared frustration, not a meld of minds

Had my eyes wide open, but really, I was blind

Murdering the truth and cutting off my friends

Was waiting for the start while you were racing to the end

Now that it is over

Why all the doubt?

I never meant to rock the boat

No time for sorry

Get the fuck out

I didn’t mean to rock the boat

Now who is sorry?

Now who is right, who is wrong?

Why all the worry...

I was just a number, not a face

Now that it is over

I am left here without doubt

I never meant to rock the boat

Final acts of vengeance

Cold within and without

I didn’t mean to rock the boat

I didn’t mean to rock the boat

Owen

Owen looked out from the beach house veranda towards the crisp blue water of the ocean and felt the same cold feeling he always did. Memories leapt out from the tranquil waters and seemed to slap him while he watched the children playing in the waves lapping at their heels.            

The ocean was always a mystery to Owen. It was a living, hungry, predatory animal with the most insatiable of appetites. It wept salt that corroded and sang songs of both misery and joy. The sweet smell of salt was poison. A mystery unfolded between each wave peak and remained unsolved as the waves crashed mercilessly onto the sand. Both hot and cold, the ocean was a menacing, malevolent presence that seeped into Owen’s deepest fears, hopes and dreams.            

Watching the children on the sand made him feel uneasy when he knew the force of the ocean. He knew how it liked to pull unwilling victims into the murky depths of itself and hold them there like pearls inside of an oyster. It scared him to think how close to death everyone was when they trusted themselves to its maritime fury. The ocean was a living, feeling, emotive creature: almost human. At one time, it could roll on and on peacefully; the next, it is an angry mother spewing black waves and white foam, smashing boats, dragging, breaking, freezing inhuman power.            

Owen loved the ocean as much as he hated it. He lived and breathed exactly how it did. And like most humans, he couldn’t predict its moods, which swung as does the pendulum in the hands of a hypnotist.

As the children played, the ocean gathered at their feet, and tickled their ankles, and destroyed their sand-castles, quite innocently. Owen watched with a sense of relief, always fearing that a larger wave would rock over the edge and come crashing down on the helpless kids while they moulded sand-castles, carrying them away to oblivion. He clutched the binoculars he wore around his neck with a crushing iron fisted grip, until his hands were bony white from lack of blood and hurt from the pressure. All the while, his eyes scanned over half a kilometre of beach with meticulous interest, his heart palpitating irregularly.            

And the memories rose inside of his head, beckoning memories that would, if they were of substance, resemble skeletal hands that would seek out the back of Owen’s neck… and squeeze.            

The more he fought the memories, the more they wanted to rise. They rushed up from his subconscious, wild birds on wing, waiting to embed their awful presence onto Owen’s mind, the same way footprints are embedded into soft mud. In vain, he tries to keep his memory in check, to close the curtain that hides the other side. Each day, his hair becomes greyer and his eyes wilder. Each night, he suffers a private, agonising torment. With each glass of whisky, the expectation of doom seems to manifest itself inside of his weary mind and the strain of his fight shows itself as wrinkles on his skin.            

And finally, the years pass, the locks break, and Owen suddenly finds that he is staring into the bulging, fishy eyes of a drowned kid with blue lips and pale skin, so pale that it is nearly transparent. Only then does he feel the choking, freezing panic that had eluded him for so long, that had many years ago held him frozen to the spot in absolute terror, as he screamed and screamed…              

…but all the screaming in the world can’t undo the fact that your little boy has drowned…           

…and you couldn’t do a single thing to save him… 

Garden Song

Once warm in the shelter now drowning in the sea

Not what you really wanted, but all that I deserved

Emptiness and longing and a hole a mile wide

That was the ashes of love sown like salt into the earth

I entered this garden to hear your song

To smile encouragement at the chords you played wrong

The dead frets on your guitar, hammered rhythm, botched rhyme

I’d tap my foot along and keep you in time

You were never afraid to bare your soul

Uncover secret passions hidden from me and from the light

It was I who was too scared to cast aside the chains

There I remained in the night

Now the songs in the garden are muted, if not dead

And the words but a mumble, breath of wind in my head

And the flowers are faded, wilted and denied

As with all things innocent we leave the garden behind

Hold Onto Love

Awake most nights wondering

What it means to lose

Something that once was held so dear

Now it seems dark is setting in

Blindness over our eyes

Where once the way was so clear

Can you help me?                            (waiting, watching)

Do you see me?                               (only dreaming)

Can you show me?                          (drifting off to sleep)     

Help me find the light                    (hold onto love)

Hold onto love, don’t let her go

It is all that we should ever know

Embracing lovers, the sacred dance

The dice of fate, the wind of chance

Knowing that you love me

Knowing that I love you

Perpetually Never

At last, this book, ready to close

Like sleepy eyes in darkest repose

Finality, a final page written; the drawn veil of a curtain down

A circle closed, awaken the sleeper

A flickering screen, a fortress keeper

The forgotten chords of an unwritten symphony, alone

These are the words

These are my songs

These are my thoughts

This is me, all along

You have read my heart

You have read my mind

I am deaf, I am dumb

I am damned, I am blind

No more.

You hold my soul in your palm

Now my lips move around impossible words

And thoughts churn at improbable endeavour

And I promise you the Sun and the Moon

But what I give you is Perpetually Never...